love pure and simple…


I was just over spying on a blog I had never been to before called The Jolly Good Gal.  She was commenting on the outpouring of love following a comment posted on her blog.  The comment was unnecessary and referenced a topic that most woman struggle with – weight.  This lovely woman wrote a response to the cowardly anonymous commentor that was filled with grace and understanding.  I am not sure I would have been quite as nice, but her story resonated with me in a way not many have.

I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life.  It started when I was young and was encouraged by a mom who was struggling with her own control issues.  In her desire to have me grow up as healthy as possible, she put a large emphasis on my weight that only helped to make me more obsessive about it.  It was somewhat chaotic in our home growing up and I used food as a comfort.  I still use food as a comfort.  I joined the Army at 19 and worked for the only organization that can discriminate because of weight.  I was healthy and fit, but did not meet the magic number.  I also got married at 19 to a man who was also a soldier.  He was very focused on my size also.  I had a baby 2 years later.  Throw in a realization of being diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and I was a recipe for chaos.

September 11, 2001 changed my life even more.  I was required to deploy in response to 9/11 and send my 3 yr old daughter to live with my parents for the next year and a half.  This is when my biggest weight struggle began because I was away from home, my marriage had been falling apart for a year and now I was missing out on my daughter’s life.  My depression began to spiral out of control and with that I ate…and ate and ate! I lived on boxes of Hostess Raspberry-filled donuts and bags of potato chips.  It was in November 2002 I left the Army with an Honorable Discharge because I was unable to maintain the required weight they required.  I was finally reunited with my daughter, but remained at my heaviest weight to date.  Then the long messy divorce came and depression ups and downs.  Long story short (hahaha) I got fatter.  We can always sugar coat the word and say heavy, but my reality is I was carrying around a lot of extra fat.  For nearly five years I went up and down and up and down with my weight, but was adamant about one thing.  I wanted to share my life with someone who loved me just as I was and not as society thought I should be.  I wanted to be able to love myself as I was.  I wish I had some enlightening success story of my weight loss, but I do not.  What I do have is a story of love…pure and simple!

This is my gorgeous, sexy, intelligent, successful and somewhat disgruntled husband who does not enjoy his picture taken.

I met him on the internet.  He will say he picked me and I am okay with that.  We first talked on Valentines Day and talked everyday for about 3 weeks.  You really get to know someone when all you can do is talk and things like what our body type isn’t an issue.  The fateful night did come when he wanted to meet me face to face.  It took awhile for me to give him my address (I know…not a smart idea).  I met him that night and fed him cup after cup of peppermint tea.  I was sure he was never going to call me again.  He did and after we were married he told me the little secret that while I was thinking he was never going to call me again he was thinking he was in deep trouble because he was falling in love with me.  He and I went to high school together but he was a senior when I was a sophomore.  He was the high school quarterback and I was the journalism geek.  He didn’t notice me and in hindsight that was a good thing.  On our first date he told me I was the first woman in her 30’s he had ever dated.  I know…why did this guy get a second date? He had been divorced for 12 years when we met and didn’t ever want to get married again.  He was the first one to say I love you.  He does love me…exactly as I am. 

He does not see me as my weight.  He sees me as the woman who is beautiful and funny that he can have fun with.  He is never ashamed to have me on his arm and is proud to introduce me as his wife.  Despite the fact I am not the “type” of woman his friends or family thought he would marry.  They love me too because I am a phenomenal woman just as I am…

I Love You, John! Thank you for picking me…


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